With lots of 'tude

Girl: Mhmmm, I'mma have my birthday party in a hotel room.
Me: Oh really?
Girl: Yea. No boizz being fresh, no gurlz being fresh.
Me: [looks at her mom]
Mom: Yup. That's a big lesson in life.

In the middle of a lesson while everyone is silent...

Boy: "I just farted. Don't laugh."

[Funny thing is no one heard a sound before he announced it.]

Start of Year 2

[Pregnant teacher walks by]
Boy: Hey, *point at stomach,* what's in there anyways?

Boy: My mom had surgery yesterday.
Teacher: Oh no, is she ok?
Boy: Yea, but the bump she had in her stomach went away.
Teacher: Oh... did she...have a baby?
Boy: I don't know. There's a baby in the house now though.

[During a Reading Comprehension test]
Teacher: Can you make a connection to this story from your life?
Boy: No....
Teacher: Try it. Why can't you?
Boy: Because.... all the kids in this story are happy and doing happy things.

[During Writing Class--First Grader now]
Boy: *Raises hand*
Teacher: Yes?
Boy: I have a speech.
Teacher: .... ok... I'm sorry, we don't have time for a speech. Can you tell me what it's about?
Boy: No, I have to say the whole thing.
Teacher: .... ok, *confused but amused* Go ahead and tell us.
Boy: *Stands up, raises arm in air* I... I just wanted to tell you and all the other teachers in the school.... that you are all doing a great job of teaching us. ...Even though I don't think I'm learning enough.

With all Sincerity

Me: Lance, are you making noise during our silent breakfast? >:O

Lance: No? It's music.

Me: >__<"" (and I know he really thinks he was making beautiful music)

Timmy: *not reading during independent reading time and just looking at me*

...after 2 mins.

Me: Timmy, why are you not reading?

Timmy: I'm having a staring contest with you. *stare.*